Dear 2009,
I wrote a similar letter to my lover, 2008, last year. We had quite a bad break up, you see. I was annoyed with 2008 and I was tired of the.. well… shit that came along with 2008. He was that sorta like The Kardishans; interesting at first but then just plain and fucking annoying later on.
But, 2009, this letter is not about 2008. It is about you. I had high hopes for you my dear. I had hoped you would be better than 2008; a new chapter, a new life.
And I will not lie to you my dear. You had your moments.There were days where you embraced me, and smiled upon me so vividly, that my soul smiled with you. My soul laughed and my heart beat with no worry, because I knew that you were there to treat me well. You made sure that my family smiled, you made sure that I got to a good start at uni and hey, you made sure Pakistani won the Twenty20 Cup. Life was good.
But you were also terrifying 2009. You strongly reminded me of 2008; turning into a violent man, making me scared, revolted, and broken. You are soaked with the blood of the innocent lives from Pakistan, Iran, Palestine, Zimbabwe.. I could go on. The financial world pretty much collapsed with you, creating unemployment and poverty. Fathers had to go back home, with their heads lowered, trying to figure out how to tell their children that from now on, things had to be different.
And then you killed Michael Jackson. I mean, for God’s sake, Michael Jackson. By then I had realised that your priorities were a bit misplaced. Anyone who decides to kill off Michael Jackson instead of, ooooh, Sean Hannity, is an idiot. And instead of apologizing you kill Brittney Murphy? Jerk
And then you killed brain cells by bringing Bollywood to Hollywood (or Hollywood to Bollywood). You are obviously a very, very terrible matchmaker. Anyone knows that Bollywood and Hollywood is a marriage bound to go wrong. Thanks to you, now I can’t even watch an Indian movie without feeling I’m watching some amateur porn movie. Do I really wanna see Kareena Kapoor ride Saif Ali Khan? I’m sorry, but I am sure Sharon Stone has that covered.
Speaking of Hollywood, you son-of-bitch, you turned beauty from Beyonce to Megan Fox. I am sorry 2009, but I can’t walk around as if I can’t close my lips, have a 20 inch waist and say ”I’m not even a back-door virgin”. I just can’t okay? Just like I can’t weigh 50 kg, have double Ds and be 178 cm tall. I don’t think men can be 190 cm, have 10 pacs AND be able to cook at the same time either. You set some serious high standards, and it’s killing the rest of us, okay?
But as I said, you had your moments. The Oscar opening was one of them. Closing that damn Amanda Knox case was also one of them. The Swiss vote on the minaret ban was not, but it just proved what bullshit direct democracy is so I guess it was a good moment too. And, who can forget Lady Gaga? You actually, now that I think of it, apologized for the Megan Fox thing by proving that a girl who isn’t going to make it on the FHM list can actually be super rich, super famous AND regard herself sexy anyway.
But I think it is time for me to move on. 2010 doesn’t seem more promising than you, but at least he seems a bit more optimistic. 2010 will be a new chapter in my life. But I will not forget you 2009. You, like 2008 and all the rest, are a chapter in my life. A chapter that is vital to my story and to my life.
So let us part, 2009, with bittersweet memories and I hope you go down as well with your other partners (what did you think I was putting you out for?). I know men and women that you have dated will be either pleased or pissed off with you.
I am content.
Goodbye 2009. It was, at the end of the day, a pleasure knowing you.
Best Regards,
Mamashaal (( desi diva ))
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